Welcome to Skills For Youth! The skill described this month is:

Talking With Your Partner About Protection

It includes the following sections:

• Teaching the Skill, including three steps to review with youth
• Practicing the Skill, including sample scenarios
• Tips to maximize the effectiveness of the skill

Once youth have received information about sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention, they need to learn how to talk with their partners about protection. The following student skill provides youth with a three-step process for deciding how they want to protect themselves from STIs and how they can communicate their decision to their partners. The educator may want to take two to three sessions to discuss this information and practice the skill.

Review the following three steps with youth. Draw suggestions and ideas for youth whenever possible. Use scenarios and character names that are culturally relevant and current. Be sure to give examples and make each step relevant to your population of youth.

Step #1: Deciding which method of protection is best for you

Currently there are two effective methods for preventing STIs. One is not to have sexual intercourse, and the other is to use condoms every time you have sex. The first step in protecting yourself from STIs is to decide which of these methods is best for you and why. One way to do that is to write down each of the two methods and list all the reasons why each method might be the best one for you at this time. To help youth think through what would be best for them, ask them to finish the following sentences with as many reasons as they can generate:

• Not having sex is the best way for me to prevent a STI because.......
  
  Some possible reasons for not having sex as a way to prevent STIs might include: 1) I’m not ready to have sex yet, 2) I’ve promised my family I would wait until I’m older, 3) I’m not serious about anyone right now, etc.

• Using condoms is the best way for me to prevent a STI because.......
  
  Some possible reasons for using a condom as a way to prevent STIs might include: 1) I am having sex and don’t want to get an STI, 2) condoms give good protection against STIs, HIV and pregnancy, 3) having sex in a responsible, safe way is being grown up.

Step #2: Talk with your partner about your choice for protection

Once you know how you want to protect yourself, the next step is to talk with your partner about your choice. This conversation will be easier and more successful if you use the following tips:

• Timing: Have the conversation at a time when you are not in a romantic or sexual situation. It is difficult to talk about your decision and feelings in "the heat of the moment." For example, having the conversation while you are taking a walk or having lunch together might be a good time. Having the conversation while you are "making out" would not be a good time.

• Give a clear message: Keep your message about your decision clear and to the point. For example, you might say, "I have decided not to have sex because I don’t feel ready, and I don’t want to risk getting an STI or getting pregnant." Or you could say, "I want to have sex with you, but I won’t unless we use protection."

• Repeat your message: If your partner resists or pressures you, it often works to repeat the message. For example, you might say, "I feel like you aren’t hearing me, "I have decided not to have sex yet because I don’t feel ready and I don’t want to risk getting an STI or getting pregnant." Being firm can be difficult because we often want to please the people we care about.

• Act on your decision: Following through on your decision will be an ongoing process. When you are in a romantic relationship the decision about sex and protection will come up many times. If your decision has been "no sex," you will need to continue your commitment in spite of your own sexual feelings and/or pressure from your partner. If you choose to use condoms, you will have to always have a supply on hand and use them every time you have sex.
  
  

Revisit your choice from time to time to see if it is still the best one for you. For example, you may have broken up with your partner and started seeing someone new. You know you aren’t ready to start having sex again, so your decision might change from using protection to no sex. So, you will need to decide how you will talk with your new partner about your choice.

After the educator has taught the three steps above and has encouraged youth to share examples of how and when each step should be used, it is time to have youth practice communicating with their partner.

The educator should write the tips from Step #2 on newsprint or the blackboard so youth can use them as reference points while they practice (e.g. timing, give a clear message, etc.) The educator can have youth make up possible scenarios or use the examples below. If youth make up the scenarios, make sure they include saying no to sex as well as condom use. Practicing the skill should include youth deciding: 1) what the best choice in the scenario is, 2) why it is the best choice, and 3) what words they would use to communicate this choice to their partner.

Practice can be done in several ways including:

• Youth individually writing out their responses to the scenario and sharing them with the whole group. The group can check to see if the response includes the suggested tips in Step #2.
  
  
• Youth working in pairs or small groups to respond to each scenario.
  
  
• If the group is small, approach each youth with a different scenario and have them practice talking to a partner in front of the whole group. The educator and group can coach each youth if he/she gets stuck.

Sample Scenarios:

Scenario A:

Tracy and Jeff, both age 15, have known each other since elementary school and have been going out for three months. Tracy thinks she wants to wait until marriage before having sex. Jeff is ready now and is pressuring Tracy. Tracy really loves Jeff and wants to please him, but she knows the risks of having sex including STI, HIV and pregnancy. What is her best choice for protection and why? What words should Tracy use to communicate her choice to Jeff?

Scenario B:

Gina, age 17 and Kolby, age 19, have been going out for one year. Gina’s parents are out of town so she invites Kolby over for pizza and a movie. They have come close to having sex many times. This could be the big night. What is their best choice for protection and why? What words could they use to communicate with each other?

Scenario C:

Colin and Jasmin, both age 16, have been going out for nine months. Both have had sex in previous relationships. Jasmin tells Colin she wants to have sex with him. Colin really likes Jasmin but doesn’t want to risk getting an STI. What is his best choice for protection and why? What words should Colin use to communicate his choice to Jasmin?

Scenario D:

Maria, age 15 and Julio, age 14, have been going out for six months. They are hanging out at the park and have been talking about having sex sometime soon. Maria and Julio know about the risks of STI, HIV and pregnancy. Maria had a pregnancy scare in another relationship and doesn't want to repeat this with Julio. What is her best choice for protection and why? What words should Maria use to communicate her choice to Julio?

• To maximize the effectiveness of practicing "Talking to Your Partner About Protection," we suggest you:

• This lesson focuses on communication about protection. Youth should also learn the skills for correctly using a condom.
  
  
• For more details about using role play and scenarios for behavioral practice, see "Role Play for Behavioral Practice" in the Archives under "Educator Skill."

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