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Welcome to Skills for Educators! ReCAPP's educator skill for December
2002/January 2003 is:
Sharing
Values about Sexuality
Parents
who discuss values and attitudes about sexuality with their children are
likely to increase a sense of family connectedness — a protective
factor for adolescent sexual risk-taking behavior.
This month's
educator skill shows educators how to conduct a values clarification workshop
for parents, which can easily be adapted for training of staff or educators.
This
workshop not only helps parents identify and clarify their values but
also gives them an opportunity to practice communicating ethos's values
to their children. The educator skill includes the following:
Note:
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At the
completion of this workshop, parents will be able to:
- Define sex and sexuality,
- Explore and clarify personal and societal values around sexuality
and adolescence,
- Identify sources that influence the development of values around sexuality,
- Practice expressing and listening to diverse values about sexuality,
and
- Practice using teachable moments to communicate values to children.
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Two hours
- Flipchart paper
- Markers
- Tape
- "Values Statements" Survey
- "Sexuality Interview" Worksheet
- Strongly Agree, Agree, Disagree and Strongly Disagree Signs
- "Teachable Moments" Worksheet
- Pencils
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Introduction (10
minutes)
- Welcome parents to the workshop. Conduct appropriate introductions
and housekeeping. If you have not already set group agreements, you
may want to do so before starting this workshop.
- Tell parents that during today's workshop, they will be exploring
their values about sexuality and adolescence. Ask the group to think
about why this is an important topic for parents. Take a few responses.
Possible responses might be:
- To become more aware of our own values.
- To better understand why we believe the way we do.
- To better understand the diversity of values that exist.
- To learn why others may have values different from ours.
- To explore how our values may affect/influence what we teach our
children.
- To explore ways to teach our values to our children.
- To become better aware of issues that may "push our buttons" and
discover ways to cope with these issues.
- Emphasize that the goal of this workshop is not to convert anyone
to a different set of values or teach the "right" values. The goal is
to better understand our own values, and why we have them, and to learn
ways to communicate these values to our children. Parents who discuss
values and attitudes about sexuality with their children are likely
to increase a sense of family connectedness. Research tells us that
family connectedness is a protective factor for adolescent sexual risk-taking
behavior.
- Review the learning objectives for this workshop (learning objectives
should be written on flipchart paper and posted in front of the room)
with the group.
Defining
Sexuality (15 minutes)
- Tell the group that you are going to write a word on flipchart paper
and you would like them to say whatever comes to mind when they read
the word. You will record what they say under the word. You should then
write the word "SEX" on the flipchart paper and encourage the group
to share any ideas, thoughts, images or feelings that come to mind.
Record responses.
- Tell the group that you would like to do this activity again, but
this time with a different word. Write the word "SEXUALITY" on flipchart
paper, and again encourage the group to share any ideas, thoughts, images
or feelings that come to mind. Many groups will give less feedback for
this word. Some parents may say that they think the words mean the same
thing.
- After the two words have been explored by the group, tell the group
that you would like to share some definitions that the field of adolescent
sexual health uses for these words.
SEX refers to whether or not we are male of female. This is largely
determined by our genitals — whether or not we have a penis or a
vagina. Remind the group that they have completed forms at their doctor's
office or at work that ask for "sex." They are required to check little
boxes that indicate whether they are "female" or "male." Sex is also an
abbreviation for sexual intercourse.
SEXUALITY is a much "bigger" word. Sexuality is a lifelong process
that begins at birth and ends at death. Sexuality is more than our genitals
and what we do with our genitals. Sexuality also describes how we think,
act and feel about being a male or a female. Sexuality has to with how
we act in relationships, how we show love and affection, how we feel
about our bodies, and who we are attracted to.
Sexuality can sometimes be a difficult concept to grasp. You may want
to use an analogy to make sexuality more concrete for parents. One such
analogy is drawing a pizza on flipchart paper. Draw six slices of pizza
in the pie. On each slice write one of the concepts listed below and explain
the concept briefly. Tell parents that our sexuality is made up of a variety
of slices and all slices make up our sexuality, just like all the slices
make up a whole pizza pie.
- Reproductive Health and Genitals. This slice represents puberty,
menopause, STIs, HIV, pregnancy, family planning, hygiene, and health
care.
- Gender Role and Identity. This slice represents how a person
feels about his or her "maleness" and "femaleness." How does the person
express his or her maleness and femaleness (e.g. clothing, career
choice, body language, hobbies, etc.)? Does the person feel discriminated
against because of his or her gender?
- Relationships. This slice represents behaviors, expectations,
satisfaction and abuse in relationships.
- Love and Affection. This slice represents how we express
love and affection to friends, family and romantic partners (e.g.
trust, touch, communication, etc.)
- Body Image. This slice represents how we feel about our body,
how we treat our body and how attractive we feel.
- Sexual Orientation. This slice represents who we are romantically
attracted to (gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning).
- Tell parents that our understanding of sexuality is largely influenced
by the culture in which we live. Family, friends, religion, laws, and
the media are some of the influences that help us form values about
our sexuality. Our values help guide the decisions we make about our
sexuality. It is important for parents to think about their values and
have a sense of clarity about them. As the primary sexuality educators
of their children, parents will find themselves talking about values
as much or more than the facts about puberty, reproduction or AIDS.
- Tell parents that they are now going to do some thinking and clarifying
of their values around human sexuality and hear different points of
view on issues related to sexual health.
Values Statements
(25 minutes)
- Give each participant a copy of the Values
Statement Survey. Tell the group to take about three minutes to
answer all the questions on the survey. Tell participants NOT to write
their names on the survey. To further preserve anonymity, ask all participants
to use a pencil to answer the questions. Ask them to turn their papers
face down when they have completed the survey. When everyone is finished,
collect the surveys.
- Shuffle and redistribute the surveys to participants. Tell them that
it is OK if they receive their own survey, but they should not let anyone
else know. Then tell the participants that in a minute you will ask
them to stand. You will read several of the questions on the survey
— one at a time. After you read a question, they should walk over
and stand near the sign that represents the answer on the survey they
are currently holding — which may or may not be the answers
they gave on their own survey.
- Once the group has moved to the different signs, ask a few representatives
to offer opinions about why the person who completed the survey
may have chosen that particular answer. Each person should actually
act as if he/she is the person who answered the survey in his/her
hand, and use "I statements" rather than say things like, "I think this
person was probably thinking that ..." Remind participants to voice
these opinions in a respectful, thoughtful and realistic manner.
Facilitator Note: Asking parents to represent another person's
survey answers serves two purposes. First, it helps to diffuse some
of the emotion that might surface if parents talked for themselves.
Some parents may not feel comfortable expressing their own opinions,
especially if their opinions are not popular. Second, for some parents,
representing another's survey will give them an opportunity to empathize
with another opinion — an opinion that might help them clarify
their own values.
- Ask the group if they have any questions about the activity. Distribute
the surveys and give participants a minute to review answers before
you start reading the statements out loud.
- Facilitate this activity for three to five statements, depending on
time. At some point, ask participants if there is a particular question
they would like to work through — one that brings up particularly
strong opinions or emotions. Be sure that you allow equal talking time
to "both sides" of the issue.
Facilitator Note:
As the facilitator of this learning activity, your job is:
- not to "correct" values, but rather to make sure both sides are
heard
- correct or clarify misinformation (i.e., "condoms are not very
effective")
- coach the group to respect the right of others to have different
opinions
- discourage the use of derogatory statements (i.e., "faggot")
- encourage the group to hear different opinions
- Once three to five statements are processed, ask participants to return
to their seats. Ask participants to write an "I learned" statement at
the bottom of the surveys they have in hand. Ask a few people to share
these statements out loud.
- Conclude by asking the group how this activity may help them in communicating
their values to their children. Some responses might be:
- Importance of thinking about how parents feel/think about sensitive
issues. This clarity will make it easier to communicate values.
- Values are not always "black and white." Sometimes there are two
ways to feel about something.
- Parents can encourage youth to think about and discover their own
opinions and values.
- It may be important to clarify for youth the difference between
fact and values. Parents play a role in teaching about facts (e.g.,
how the menstrual cycle works) and about values (e.g., when is the
right time to have sex).
- It is important to encourage youth to communicate with family or
other trusted adults for support in thinking about, defending and
living their values.
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Sexuality
Interviews (30 minutes)
- Tell the group that they are going to spend some more time exploring
the messages they received about sexuality when they were younger, how
they were influenced by these messages, and what messages they would
currently like to give their children about sexuality.
- Give each participant a copy of the Sexuality
Interview Worksheet. Ask participants to divide into groups of two
and give them about 10-15 minutes to interview each other with the questions
provided on the worksheet.
- After 10-15 minutes, ask participants to stop their discussions. Tell
the group that you would like to have a larger group discussion for
a few minutes about their interviews. However, you want to make sure
that people talk only for themselves. Tell the group that you recognize
that some personal information might have come out during the interviews
(i.e., sexual abuse), and you don't want to put anybody in an uncomfortable
situation.
- Facilitate a large group discussion using the following questions:
- What did you learn from this activity?
- Did anything surprise you from doing this activity?
- What were your thoughts for Question #4?
- Why do you think some parents have such a difficult time talking
to their kids about sexuality?
- What are some suggestions for removing these barriers?
Using Teachable
Moments (30 minutes)
- Tell parents that they do not have to give all the information and
values about sexuality to their children at one time. Sexuality is a
lifelong process; therefore learning about sexuality takes place throughout
a lifetime.
- Tell parents that they can use "teachable moments" to share information
and values with their children. Ask parents what they think a teachable
moment is. Share with parents that a teachable moment is an everyday
opportunity that can open discussion with your child about sexuality
or any other topic for that matter.
- Ask the group to take a look at the Teachable
Moments Worksheet. Ask parents to divide into groups of three. Assign
each group two teachable moments. After reading the teachable moment
situation, ask them to answer the questions listed at the bottom of
the sheet. Allow parents about 10 minutes to complete this activity.
- After 10 minutes, ask for a few volunteers to read their teachable
moment to the group and discuss how they would use the situation to
teach information and values to their children.
- After several groups have shared how they would use the teachable
moment to teach information or share values about sexuality, ask for
a few volunteers to come to the front of the room and act out a conversation.
The facilitator may want to share the communication guidelines listed
below with parents.
- Stay calm.
- LISTEN to your child first. Do not interrupt.
- First find out what your child might already knows about the issue.
- Give factual information.
- Keep you answers brief.
- If you share your values, explain why you have your values.
- It's OK to say"I don't know," but follow-up as soon as possible.
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Summary/Wrap
Up (10 minutes)
- Sexuality is a broad term that includes much more than what one does
with his or her genitals. Sexuality has to do with how we think, act
and feel about being a man or woman. It has to do with our reproductive
health, gender, relationships, how we show love and affection, how we
feel about our bodies, and our sexual orientation.
Parents are the primary sexuality educators of their children and have
the responsibility to share their values about sexuality with their children.
Some research indicates that parents who communicate clear values to their
children about abstinence and/or contraceptive use are more likely to
have children who delay the onset of sexual intercourse and/or use contraception
effectively.
Values about sexuality are shaped from a variety of influences. Children
will clearly learn values about sexuality from a variety of sources. Parents
need to make sure their values are also heard and assist their children
in thinking critically about what they learn from the media, friends,
etc.
Teachable moments are all around us and allow us the opportunity to share
information and values with our children.
- Ask parents to share how they will use what they learned at today's
sessions at home. Take as many responses as time allows.
- Provide parents with appropriate resources.
- Thank parents for their participation and their time.
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