|
The September
2001edition of ReCAPP focuses on:
Friendship
It
includes the following sections:
The ability
to make and keep good friends is important throughout life, and much of
that ability develops in adolescence. Friends provide a basic source of
happiness in general, as well as a source of support in difficult times.
However, close friendships do not happen accidentally. There are certain
requirements for the development of meaningful, lasting friendships. (from
the Peer Relationship Resource Book, ETR,
1996) This edition of ReCAPP will focus on how we as educators can show
teens the value of healthy friendships.
Friendship
— as used here, refers to a close, meaningful relationship between
an adolescent and another individual (other than a family member). A teen's
friend may be a peer of the same age, or may be younger or older. Friends
may also be different genders. A friendship is often platonic (or non-sexual).
However, friendship is also the basis of a healthy romantic relationship.
Intergenerational
Relationships — Adolescents can and should develop friendships
with adults wherever possible and appropriate. Although the nature of
these friendships may differ, adults can be good friends as well as mentors
and healthy role models for youth. In addition, with the longevity that
seniors now enjoy, this segment of our society is more available to form
friendships with young people. Despite the age difference, seniors and
adolescents can learn a great deal from each other and enjoy mutually
beneficial relationships.
Self-Esteem
— a measure of how much you value yourself.
Self-Identity
— the way you describe yourself based on the roles you play and the
traits you think you possess.
Peer
Pressure — the influence of friends on behavior. Peer pressure
can be positive and/or negative.
Internal
Locus of Control — refers to the belief that a person has control
over what happens to him/herself.
top
| An Overview
of the Issues |
Healthy
adolescent development includes broadening social contacts. During adolescence,
peer relationships help smooth the transition from childhood to adulthood.
Teens begin to exercise independence from their families, and friends
play a more important role in their lives and can influence their decisions.
The ability
to develop healthy friendships depends on a teen's self-identity, self-esteem,
and internal locus of control (people's feelings of control over what
happens to them). Teens who have problems making and keeping friendships
are more susceptible to peer pressure and more likely to engage in risky
behaviors, like smoking or using drugs, than teens who find it easy to
make and keep friends.
Some experts
believe that teenage girls frequently enter into sexual relationships
when what they are seeking is a close or intimate (not necessarily sexual)
friendship. (from the Peer Relationship Resource
Book, ETR, 1996) The ability to make and keep good friends helps teens
to form healthy sexual and romantic relationships when they are ready.
top
There are
many ways that adults can teach youth, both directly and indirectly, how
to have and be good friends. Indirectly, educators and other adults can,
and do, model friendship in many ways. Being especially aware of how we
as adults are role models and model friendship skills can have an impact
on young people all around us.
In a more
direct way, teachers and other educators can also instruct youth in friendship
skill development (see the Learning
Activity on Friendship), which is related to teens' self-esteem, self-identity,
and internal locus of control.
A few of
the ways that we can help teens understand the value of friendship and
the skills involved are suggested below.
- Take time out of your day to talk to teens, especially young people
who don't appear to have many friends. Just giving an adolescent a few
minutes of your time and attention can make a big difference. Knowing
that an adult cares enough to approach and engage them sends young people
the message that they matter.
- Promote self-esteem in youth. Self-esteem is required for forming
both friendships and healthy romantic relationships. Activities which
encourage youth to focus on their strengths, talents and other positive
qualities help them with a healthy self-identity. Self-esteem is also
developed by becoming competent in a skill (i.e. writing, playing a
musical instrument, sports, etc.). One activity to get teens in touch
with their strengths is by having them make a list of the qualities
they feel proud of and/or which make them a good friend to others.
- Use fun "ice breakers" (social activities to relax a group) which
help young people become acquainted with each other. These can build
a comfortable and safe environment for teens who might be shy or self-conscious.
Non-threatening games or activities allow teens to mix without feeling
the pressure of initiating contact with each other on their own. To
find a good list of sample ice breakers and energizers, check out books
and other resources including The Big Book of Team Building Games
(by John Newstrom & Edward Scannell) and Work Play…Playing
to Learn and Learning to Play (by Carmine M. Consalvo).
- Establish groundrules to ensure feelings of safety and comfort in
a class or group of teens. Rules including "no put-downs" and "the right
to pass" on doing something they don't want to do can help teens feel
in control in a situation.
- Model friendship from an adult's experience and point of view. Without
making personal disclosures, educators should feel comfortable in mentioning
something about their friends and the value of friendship in their own
lives.
- Get several educators or other adults together to host a pizza party
or ice cream social for a large group of students or other youth. Use
the opportunity to model cooperation and intergenerational friendship.
- Celebrate the idea of friendship in class through structured and creative
activities. For example:
- Have students express themselves through art by making collages
using words and images which help them describe themselves and the
role friendship plays in their lives.
- Have students create "want ads" for a friend, describing qualities
they would personally want in a friend (e.g. trustworthy, loyal,
reliable, thoughtful, generous, supportive, funny, etc.) See ReCAPP's
Learning Activity on Friendship
for more information on this idea.
- Encourage teens to keep a journal with their thoughts about themselves
and their friendships, experiences, and feelings. Writing in a journal
can help them reflect on their personal beliefs, needs, and ideas
for making and keeping friends.
- Encourage the practice of good communication skills essential for
healthy friendships. Among other skills, good friends listen to each
other, don't hurt each other's feelings or put each other down. Good
friends support and compliment each other, show mutual respect, and
can disagree without hurting each other. (See the Learning
Activity on Friendship.) Educators can teach youth the following:
- Active Listening Skills:
Active listening skills require the listener's undivided attention
and interest in the speaker. Active listening is a difficult skill
to master. Have teens practice using eye contact, listening without
interruption, and showing empathy (sharing the speaker's emotions,
thoughts, or feelings).
- Conflict Resolution Skills:
These skills enable teens to resolve conflict without blaming each
other. The ability to disagree, negotiate conflict, and maintain
mutual respect is important in all healthy relationships, especially
friendships. Using "I" statements to express feelings is one way
to confront and resolve problems in a non-threatening manner. (See
the Educator Skill on Classroom
Management for more information about "I" statements.) Role
play practice can also be an effective way to help teens develop
conflict resolution skills.
top
| More Information/Resources |
Organizations
and web sites with additional information on friendship include:
- Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc.
Floor 12
810
Seventh Avenue
New York,
NY 10019
1-800-230-PLAN
www.teenwire.com/index.asp
- The Network
for Family Life Education
Rutgers
University
100 Joyce
Kilmer Avenue
Piscataway,
NJ 08854
Phone:
732-445-7929
www.sxetc.org
- Advocates
for Youth
1025 Vermont
Avenue, NW, Suite 200
Washington,
DC 20005
(202) 347-5700
www.advocatesforyouth.org
- National
Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
1776 Massachusetts
Avenue, NW, Suite 200
Washington,
DC 20036
(202)478-8500
teenpregnancy.org
- Kaiser
Family Foundation
2400 Sand
Hill Road
Menlo Park,
CA 94025
Phone:
(650) 854-9400
www.itsyoursexlife.com
Books
and videos addressing the subject of friendship include:
- Peer
Relationships (Teacher/Student Resource) . . Comprehensive Health
for the Middle Grades (1996)
By Emogene Fox, EdD
ETR Associates
4 Carbonero Way
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
(800) 321-4407
www.etr.org
- Like
It Is . . . A Teen Sex Guide
By
E. James Lieberman, MD and Karen Lieberman Troccoli, MPH
McFarland
& Company, Inc., Publishers (1998)
Box
611
Jefferson, NC 28640
- Sexual
Interactions (Fourth Edition)
By
Albert Richard Allgeier and Elizabeth Rice Allgeier
D.
C. Heath and Company
125
Spring Street
Lexington,
MA 02173
(800)
334-3284
- Your
Children's Friendships: The Good Times…The Bad Times
Narrated
by Debbie Nigro, (host of New York based WKPQ's talk show "The Working
Mom on the Run")
Length:
35 minutes
Cost:
$89.95
For
more information, contact:
Sunburst (video producer)
(800)
431-1934
www.sunburst.com
- Helping
Teens Stop Violence…A Practical Guide for Counselors, Educators,
and Parents
By
Allan Creighton with Paul Kivel
Hunter
House Inc., Publishers
P.O.
Box 2914
Alameda,
CA 94501-0914
top
Home
| Index | Topic in Brief |
Evidence-Based Programs
Skills for Educators | Skills
for Youth | Current Research
Library
| Statistics |
Theories & Approaches | Links
Professional Credits | Learning
Activity | Forums | Archives
|
|
